Polyamory is not one cohesive type of relationship, and debate exists if certain types of arrangements are considered "true" polyamory (such as swinging, or religiously coerced polygyny). Although a comprehensive definition will change from person to person (or even communities) there are outer boundaries of the spectrum of polygamy that have received some consensus.
Types of Polyamorous Relationships
Kitchen Table Polyamory ('KTP')
KTP encourages social interaction with other partners (their metamours), even though partner A may not be physically or romantically intimate with every member of the group. The goal being, that one person's partner A and partner B can play board games together without competition, jealousy, or feelings of inadequacy.
Don't Ask Don't Tell ('DADT')
This arrangement means partner A is aware that partner B is engaging in additional relationships, and they consent to the arrangement, but partner A and partner C have little to no interaction with one another. Partner A may not even know partner C's name.
Middle Ground Arrangements
Even further, some arrangements find a middle ground between the two: partner A is aware that their significant other (partner B) has a Partner C or even D, and they may have some details about when/where they go on dates, and awareness of Partner C's life, but Partner A has no significant relationship with any other members.
True triads (three people, all romantically involved) or quads (four people, all romantically involved with each other) still fall somewhere on this spectrum. The only true common denominator among flavors of polyamory is all adults are consenting, and aware of the arrangement and obligations that each individual person has to other members of the arrangement. Polyamory does not include hidden illicit affairs.
Why does it matter?
The flavor of Polyamory matters because your planning tools will change. This is where many practitioners are missing the mark. Traditional 'polyamory' planning is setup a separate (often irrevocable trust) for the mistress, and use a revocable living trust for the married spouse who may be aware of the mistress but is taking a Don't Ask Don't Tell Approach.
Polyamory is the new frontier of estate planning. What two partner LGBTQIA planning was in the 2000s, now it's polyamory. A survey of representative single adults in the United States revealed 16.8% desire to engage in polyamory, 10.7% have engaged in polyamory, and 6.5% knew someone who has or was engaged in polyamory.
Planning for Kitchen Table Polyamory
Definitions Check
How is heir, child, children, and descendants defined in the trust. Should it be modified?
Watch for 'Couples' or 'Married' Privilege
Much of the literature and community focuses on how to defuse or prevent couple privilege from negatively impacting the new members to the relationship. Most common in a triad relationship. The newest, and likely unmarried, third may hesitate or prickle at any planning tools that seem to prioritize the 'couple' or 'married' duo to the negative impact of the third.
Relationship Fluidity
In some ways polyamorous groupings are more real world about the fact that their relationships might end. In fact, 'success' for some polyamorous grouping is no longer tied to a long successful marriage. Because modern polyamory creates the environment and ideally a world where each individual member, and the collective whole, chart their own paths of private organizing that may not adhere to traditional notions of how humans romantically relate with one another.
Assignment of Genetic Materials
Many assisted reproductive facilities have generic contracts that poorly define inheritance rights of stored genetic material. Some say a spouse will inherit, others forbid inheritance completely, and in the absence of clear instructions estate planning can fill the gap.
ORS 112.077 provides for express consent of conception after death, and the conception occurs within two years after death. If expressly consented to in the will or trust then a person born conceived after death, and born thereafter inherits as though they were living at the time of the death.
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